BBB

This is Brie. I heart Brie. I work with Brie. I really don't know her very well but at the same time I feel like I know her very well. She has the exact same sense of humor as I do (turbo diesel), we are both Mommy's to 3 yr olds, we both have a MILLION bros and sis's, and we both have fake boobies which instantly bonded us I think. Now for the good stuff, this chick is strong. Seriously one of the strongest people I have ever met. She is 5'10 and weighs no more than a buck-o-five so I'm not talkin muscles folks. I am continuously shocked and amazed by her and who she is. She is almost 3 years younger than I am but my life seems fairly insignificant next to what she has accomplished/endured. She is witty and sarcastic and smart and an incredible Mommy and boy can this girl make me laugh!! She will make you laugh too, she's my blogging inspiration so you will hear mucho about her I'm sure. It's a good thing she's married, and that she's a girl, or I'd totally date her.

RESOLUTION SHMESOLUTION

It is that time of year again. The time where I vow to lose the last 20lbs of baby weight that still follows me around from having my baby 3 1/2 years ago, or promise I will stay away from junk food, or start keeping a journal, (blogging is like a journal right?), or take the stairs instead of the elevator, blah blah blah. My goal this year is to be realistic. Wrap up some loose ends in my life to cause me less stress, sounds pretty simple right?? First things first, I MUST find a way to get to a gym. I'm not going to make a weight goal or inches goal because that basically ends up making me eat more. I'm not a fan of being restricted. I just need to work out. Get off my ace and walk around the block for heck sakes. I feel better, which in turn makes me happier and if Reese is happy everyone is happy. The hard part is finding the time, and something to do with the kiddo so I can make it happen. Hmmm, this one will take some thought.

Next I am going to wrap up the divorce. It will be finito, done, over, no turning back, sometime before my birthday.

I want to read a book a month. That's fairly realistic. Once I get started reading I can read one in a weekend and I'm really hoping to read more than just the one a month but if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen.

This is a whammy but take Brynn to church. She needs it, it's important to her, which in turn makes it important to me. Every kid needs something to believe in and a morals and value compass. That's what church is for. We will go. Maybe not often, but we will go.

I will focus on "mom stuff". I'm terrible at mom stuff. Like cooking from scratch, thank you cards, birthday presents, dishes done every night. They may seem small little things but I suck at it. This also leads me to my next one.

I want to make something from scratch that only I know the recipe to. I would really like to do this one seasonally, so 4 times a year. I will set the bar low, trying to be realistic.

Financially get my sh*t together. Seriously. An overhaul is in the works. Hopefully moving and divorce finalizing will help with all of this. I am terrible with details and the details are what screw me so tying up those loose ends and counting my pennys should pay off. I'm hoping anyway.

So that's the list. I do however reserve the right to alter such list according to my needs whenever I feel necessary. It's my list, I can do what I want with it.

TO DATE, OR NOT TO DATE

Ok so it might be to early to be thinking about this but I don't consider myself COMPLETELY washed up, I'm not incredibly unfortunate looking (meaning I have nice ta-ta's), and I'm only 27 for heck sakes. How long after a separation is it considered to be ok to date? Not only that but am I ready for it? Is the dating world ready for me? And where will I possibly find the time?? The ex and I were together off and on, including married life, for 7 years. To say he had me at my prime is fairly accurate. We met when I was 20, were friends for over a year, dated for a few months, he cheated, we broke up, we got back together, I get preggo, we get married and 3 years later here we are. That is the story of my 20's. I basically have 2 years, 2 months, 3 weeks, 1 day and 7 hours of my 20's left and I have every intention of soaking it all in.

Some people say that as soon as you're separated you are fair game, others say it's as soon as the divorce is finalized, some even go so far to say that there is a reasonable amount AFTER the divorce is final before dating is ok. Now I agree with that when it comes to being in a committed exclusive relationship with one other person but not with casual dating. If I am separated and a guy wants to take me to dinner or a movie or hang out, I'm all for it. If he wants to spend regular time with my kiddo, absolutely not. And I think that goes both ways. That is the biggest difference between dating at 21 and dating at 27, it's not only me that can get hurt this time. That and Miss Kaye is a little flirt and ends up with a crush on every guy she tends to be in contact with, so she could become attached and therefore get hurt in the process as well. This is not ok. Also, she has a daddy, she doesn't need a daddy, so I don't want anyone thinking they can just march right in and fill that position because then she will most likely hurt you. This girl loves her daddy. So as for now, sure, I think dating is ok if you are separated. I call that the need-to-know part of the divorce process, I really don't think the ex needs to know and I know I don't want to know his business either. I'm pretty sure I have this part down, now it's time for baby steps into whatever happens, happens.

BAGGAGE

It's official. I have baggage. I am one of "those girls." Everyone has baggage, don't get me wrong, but I think mine is the good kind. I am a single mom. I have been for 8 months and as much as my ex hates to hear it it was the best decision of my life. My little Brynn is 3 1/2 and she is the best baggage, the carry on kind so she never leaves my side. She is my mini me, my heart and soul, my good days and the reason I can smile every day. Her daddy is also the good kind, because I am no longer with him. I loved and I learned and I am a better person and in a better place in my life because of it. I do have some bad baggage, the emotional kind. But honestly no one gets to see that. My life is an open book and I will tell anyone anything they want to know but if you ask me to "express my feelings" I will tell you to take a hike, it's not going to happen. Is that unhealthy of me? Absofreakinlutely. Have I and do I need maybe just a teeny tiny bit of therapy for it? Bet your booty. But I will deal with it when I'm ready. If I ever get on that straight and narrow path. Right now I am frolicking in the woods on my no path and that's how I like it.

BUCKLE UP, IT'S GONNA BE A BUMPY RIDE

So I never have been good at taking my chosen path, the "right" path. The path that is basically guaranteed happiness if I choose to take it and do what is necessary to stay on that path. I am a wanderer, I wander aimlessly through life, I always have and it frustrates the heck out of everyone related to me, through marriage or otherwise. You would think that having a child would've grounded me, kind of forced me on to the path, but that didn't happen. Now I have a fellow traveler that is along for the ride and honestly I think she doesn't mind. I always have loved a good challenge and heaven forbid I get bored.